Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
