dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
