I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
