woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
