theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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