Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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