four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
