Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
