can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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