weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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