im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
