Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
do herpes really smell.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
