its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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