You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
