I'm so fucking centered right now
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
