your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
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