That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
