You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize