remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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