Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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