I wish I could teleport
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
