morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize