How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
false alarm. still invincible.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
