a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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