We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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