if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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