the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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