it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
