dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
