We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
