I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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