great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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