I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
