I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
