It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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