Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
