Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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