All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
