I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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