even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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