I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
