Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
