We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Randomize
