So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
