My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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