I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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