just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
