I think I just saw someone hide a body.
My hand turned me down
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
