Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Shame - the story of my life.
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