You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
