I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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