She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just want nice things and good sex
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
