And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
