the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Randomize