This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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