New low: just hacked my moms facebook
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
