Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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