Do you still have your period?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
