Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
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