I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
