Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
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