you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
