I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
can u get pink eye on your cock?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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