Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
