I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
