There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
