It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
