Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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