Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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