he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
