Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
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