I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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