We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He shit in the fireplace
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
