is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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